Frog King Henry is a widower now and starting to get on a bit. He finds it hard to remember people's names and is therefore quite happy when his advisers suggest he should marry a German girl called Anne.
Of Cleves.
Not Cloves.
Of Cleves.
Not Cloves.
He's been married to an Anne before and reckons he should be able to remember it.
Turns out he doesn't need to remember it for very long.
He does the 16th Century equivalent of RSVP (sends a painter off to Germany to paint a picture of his new girlfriend so he can see what she looks like) and agrees to proceed with the wedding. But when Anne arrives from Germany Henry claims she looks nothing like her picture (an early example of airbrushing?) and says he doesn't want to marry her now. But a promise is a promise (specially when you need the Germans as allies) and the wedding goes ahead.
And lasts 6 months and 3 days.
They get an anullment and end up becoming best of friends.
And he gives her lots of houses (better than chocolates).
So no one is complaining.
Except Henry.
Who is single and on the prowl.
Again.
Yes, Henry did not like her when they met face to face. Her face was covered in pock marks and deep pits and her knockers were not firm and well-rounded but loose and saggy. He concluded that she was not a queen at all, just a fat mare with glanders!
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